Dear ,
I just choose what happened realised remembered discovered found out got slapped with a wet salmon - really - got a bajillion whiny emails saying opened mine eyes, and lo! had a terrible scare when I thought twigged that figured out had a cup of tea and realised woke up to the fact terrible dreadful fear scared panicked dread totally realised noticed climbed out from under my rock and realised returned from my daily swim on the beautiful Fijian beach and realised checked and received your letters from the postman and realised that got hit on the head and recalled that
I have not written since Choose how long it has been. the 9th the 21st last month last year 1999 Paris Hilton was in jail they let me out! long before Shakespeare wast a boy people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died you last visited I fell in love the long board was invented Hammertime was in the charts petrol was cheaper than a bottle of Grange! they invented sliced bread the sun was actually shining in Melbourne I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids dearest Mummy was still alive Hawke was Prime Minister Howard was Prime Minister the Clintons were in the Whitehouse
you would not believe Choose what they would not believe. I spend all my time in front of a computer how insane my life has become how tidy my house now is I'm normally a control freak it only hurts when I laugh the amount of people that are totally stalking me my anguish at my misdoings that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones the fairy dust I have to clean up that I actually have a life how much more of a drama I could make that the phat set coming through right now that I'd been abducted by aliens how much it's costing me how heavy that rock really is how hard it is being waited on hand and foot and generally lounging around the amount they eat how terribly tardy the Victorian internet can be .
Choose from this assortment of goodies. Apologies! I'm so sorry! Please don't abandon me! I hope you still love me! Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones! I hope they bring chocolate! I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness. Cheers Mate. Seriously! Not just a second one. I'm a blogger so I will though! Dudes! But I'm sorry you'll just have to take my word for it. Unbelievable My bad. Truly! Stupid Global Warming! Whenever will they invent electricity!
I am Choose what you've been. busy flat out frantic so busy tied up totally exhausted lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english going ahead not going to post now devastated caught inside overwhelmed distracted totally and utterly flat out absorbed flat out like a lizard drinking absolutely consumed swamped out of it swilling chardonnay hopped up on caffeine with Choose what you've been busy doing. work sleeping my way to the top keeping up with my favourite daytime soaps making meals silk ropes setting fire to people wearing Crocs only your readership as life preserver an awfully big adventure any regularity discovering time doesn't stand still my brahs responding to fanmail my obsession of saving money a weight-lifting regime my tan feeding the little people waiting for a fine young gentleman to propose curling my hair learning to play lawn bowls cutting my toe nails finding Jesus (after someone told me he was lost) ,
, just generally being Choose what you are being. a mother a parent a companion the life of the party a nuisance a biatch asleep, dreaming and chancing a Darling not online in order a nuisance an embarrassment a slave a hindrance a pain a delightful mistress a terrible burden a doormat scary a worry of great concern Snow White
to Choose who you are being this to. my kids my husband my wife my girlfriend my mistress my my wife's lover my cats my dogs my friends my colleagues my employer anyone unfortunate to cross my path various lawyers I met recently every Lost Boy that crosses my path recognise my children again the locals my local police the taxman society in general the servants my partner the secret service the bodyguards of the blogger I am stalking every man and his dog my psychologist , my day Choose what your day is or does. seems to be packed is full to overflowing goes starts seems to be a litany of stuff and giggles pisses me off is a magical flight is full to bursting is passing in a blur starts with the dawn patrol often feels wasted drifts aimlessly is filled with fluorescent light sprawls drinking is dreadfully busy is long and tiring is fun and exciting seems to involve the authorities is a nightmare I would like to wake up from
Choose when your day starts. 8am 3am lunchtime 4am the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies dusk the second star on the right, straight on work crawling out of bed at 6.30 beach break sun-up now midday sun up mid-morning when the nightclubs close the first cockadoodledoo from the rooster the moment my children manage to unlock my bedroom door and use me as a jumping castle my partner kicking me out of bed dawn the light through yonder window breaks to
Choose when your day ends. midnight 11pm at which point I fall asleep on the couch I feel like going to bed way past dusk I am begging my kid to go to sleep or so help me God that kid will be decorating my wall, 'Duct tape still life' dawn dusk morning home I see my darling's 10000 text messages reef break midnight well after sun-down never whenever sun down and beyond early afternoon I run out of alcohol .
I am Choose what you are. not complaining though totally exhausted happy with that so tired avoiding recapture so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff wondering if I paid mine electricity bill not growing up hoping one day they will call me 'mummy' again smitten totally loving it, dudes looking at rectifying this so exhausted not being a whinging Pom or anything convinced that I absolutely deserve this after all my hard work beyond drunk most of the time quite the socialite putting money aside so I can run away plotting and planning secretly pregnant wearing my budgie smugglers .
Choose what else you've been busy doing. personal projects learning to speak Japanese soaking in the tub homeschooling five children being distracted by the shiny sleeping a ticking crocodile commitments hoping you haven't found other blogs waiting for the onshore winds learning to fart the theme to neighbours driving from one end of the city to the other rock crushing the waiting staff spending my husband's money planning my wedding choosing my retirement village watching Dexter selling my soul to Google watching the grass grow Choose possibly cliched saying. life happens I need a nap life is good but who cares it will be fun fun fun till they take my TBird away can't they see I am blogging perchance but never say never and that I can take that big badge off my head that says bad mother I need some perspective primo maybe tomorrow my kids think I don't make sense any more but this damned rock is heavy I wish you could be here to share it deal with it as well you should know life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get . I Choose one of these. promise swear make a solemn vow solemnly swear swear on the bones of my ancestors go, my lords and ladies; just vow hope you are having a good life send you kisses totally promise swear on my mother's grave promise that won't promise anything to you but declare solemnly probably absolutely, positively promise hope that one day will try to remember I promised you
Choose what you will do. I will make more of an effort to blog more often I will blog more regularly to post at least once a month to update at least once a week I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals think of me as I battle mine enemies I will blog about it when I find my way home and that your kids recognise you although very chaste ones I will get online again after this next set I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance I will write something that makes sense soon you will see me writing more to you in the future that when the weather turns bad, I will blog more often won't blog until the next time booze prices go up and I have to get sober for a while to send a missive out on the wire, post-haste I will try to remember my blog password more often in future
Choose something that might make your readers think you mean it! Truly! Seriously! What? Promise! Peace! You wanna test me? Go with God, good friends. Honestly! If you have kids. Until I need your shoulder to cry on. Fully! I promise! Well, I'll try. No, really! You have my word! Sorry! Sincerest apologies.
From ,
